A DREAM

I'M LATE FOR MY GYM TRAINING. I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE FOR THE SESSION. I NEED TO PRACTICE MY ROUTINES. STRETCH MY BODY. USE MY MUSCLES. FEEL THE BEAM UNDER MY FEET. THE TIGHT LYCRA PANTS. TUMBLE ON THE FLOOR, ROTATE IN THE AIR. SMELL THE CHALK. I CAN'T BE LATE FOR THE SESSION. THE GYM BAG THAT I'VE SLUNG OVER MY SHOULDER IS SLOWING ME DOWN. I JUST WANT TO GET THERE, COME ON, QUICKER! I URGE MYSELF ON. I CAN'T WALK FASTER. I'M STUCK. I'M STILL AT THE TRAIN CROSSING. I CAN HEAR THE RIVER, RUSHING DOWN OVER ROCKS, IN ITS BED. CONTINUOUS MOVEMENT. MY STEPS ARE SLOW, AS THOUGH THE SOLES OF MY SHOES ARE GLUED TO THE ROAD SURFACE. I'M FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY. I WANT TO GO – NOW! I'M TRYING MY BEST, BUT I'M NOT ADVANCING. I'M STUCK. I'VE PASSED THE CORNER NOW. THE VIEW OF THE GREEN PADDOCK HAS CHANGED TO THE LONG STRETCH OF ROAD THAT LEADS TO THE GYM. PAST THE SHED, THE RAILWAY YARD, THE TENNIS COURTS, THE CAR PARK. IT‟S SUCH A LONG WAY. I'LL MISS SO MUCH TRAINING – WHAT'S GOING ON? I FEEL PAIN IN MY CHEST. I'M LONGING FOR SOMETHING I CAN'T HAVE. SOMETHING I CRAVE FOR, BUT CAN'T QUITE REACH. IT'S DISHEARTENING. BUT I NEED IT, I WANT IT BADLY. I BEGAN GYMNASTICS IN 1977 AT THE AGE OF SIX, AFTER HAVING PRACTICED GYMNASTICS SKILLS WITH MY MOTHER AT HOME. MY FIRST COMPETITION WAS A REGIONAL MEET IN 1978. IN THE FIRST FEW YEARS, I TRAINED ONCE TO TWICE PER WEEK. FROM THE AGE OF TWELVE, I PRACTICED FOUR TIMES WEEKLY. AMENORRHEA IS THE ABNORMAL ABSENCE OF MENSTRUATION. SPORTS AMENORRHEA IS THE ABSENCE OF THE FEMALE CYCLE DUE TO EXTREME PHYSICAL TRAINING AND LOW CALORIE INTAKE AND BODY WEIGHT. IT CAN LEAD TO OSTEOPOROSIS. I RETIRED FROM GYMNASTICS SHORTLY BEFORE TURNING 21. (NATALIE BARKER-RUCHTI, WOMEN’S ARTISTIC GYMNASTICS: AN (AUTO-)ETHNOGRAPHIC JOURNEY)

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